


I Breathe Easier When You're Here

by Tearsaresalty



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, TRK spoilers, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 07:25:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9168187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tearsaresalty/pseuds/Tearsaresalty
Summary: After everything was over, Adam and Ronan find themselves alone and trying to heal.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Totally self-indulgent, nothing too special about it, just o take my mind off of a few things. Pynch relaxes me like no other ship I have. And I decided to share??? Hope you enjoy as well.

It was five in the morning when Ronan drove them both back to St. Agnes. The sun had barely poured its first rays over the silent Henrietta but it didn't seem to matter for neither of them; after everything that had happened in the last hours, days,  _year_ , Adam was unable to feel anything close to an emotion. He was exhausted, totally drained and dry in a shell of a body. And he was sure Ronan felt the same, considering the fact that he hadn't breathed or even made a sound for the past hours.

Without being told to, Ronan followed Adam all the way up to his apartment. They didn't speak and it was better; Adam didn't feel up to it anyway. His body ached, his cheek burnt and he felt filthy. The aftertaste of getting unmade by a demon wasn't one Adam wanted to repeat at any point in his life.

Then, the fleeting grief of Gansey's temporary death kept haunting him. The image of his best friend laying limb and lifeless in the middle of the road, Blue staring off to the distance with death in her eyes and Ronan's uncontrollable sobs, were permanently etched in his mind and soul.

He was never going to be the same after this. None of them would.

The soft click of his front door finally snapped Adam out of his daze. He turned around, eyes seeking Ronan's face. Ronan wasn't looking at him; he was looking through him. The fire in his eyes was gone, the constant frown of his eyebrows smoothed out - he was barely breathing. Adam could understand him. Losing Aurora wasn't easy. Losing his dream forest wasn't easy.  _Almost_  losing his best friend wasn't easy. It couldn't be. Not for Ronan Lynch.

Adam wrapped his arms around himself and tried to force some air in his lungs. Somehow it felt that he could forget how to breathe in this state.

His eyes then subconsciously drifted to Ronan's neck, taking in the vicious bruises Adam's fingers, upon being possessed by the almighty demon, had created. He shuddered, involuntarily. He shook for a few seconds before he managed to collect himself.

_You, his lover, almost killed him as well. Did you purposely forget that?_

Although he knew it wasn't his fault, Adam felt an unpleasant electric shock course through his body at the memory of Ronan's body growing heavier and heavier while Adam's uncontrollable hands crushed his airway.

"It wasn't you," Ronan said suddenly. His voice was hoarse, choked. Almost unrecognizable.

Adam knew. He nodded. Then, to prove it more to himself than Ronan, he walked up to Ronan and cupped his cheek. There were pieces of dirt, dried blood and dried dream gunk on his skin. Adam gently pried them away.

_See? You don't hurt him. It wasn't you._

"Shower," Adam said tightly, "Then we sleep."

"I can't sleep."

"I know."

They took turns showering; Adam first, Ronan followed. Ronan took his time in there but Adam couldn't really blame him - he himself had lost track of time. How much time had gone by? How much time was left? Adam wasn't sure.

So he waited; he sat Indian style on the poor excuse of a bed he owned and counted his breaths. Their existence meant that he was real; that he was still alive.

Then why did he feel so dead?

Adam progressively zoned out of the world. He felt as if he was scrying, drifting away from his body towards a sure death - a suicide - until Ronan's weight shifted the mattress next to him. When Adam looked at him, there was nothing in Ronan's eyes. It would have normally troubled Adam but right then he knew; his eyes looked exactly the same too.

"Let's lay down," he said softly.

Ronan simply nodded and they shifted until they were on their sides, facing each other. Adam's bed was narrow as hell but it was big enough for some space to exist between them. It was better this way, for now. After all, neither of them had ever been too much of a cuddler, especially Adam. Physical contact was still weird for him and Ronan didn't pressure him on it. He simply liked to hold Adam's hand, kiss the wrist and each one of the knuckles - a small ritual that grew on them during the times they spent sleeping together, but that was about it.

Their eyes, though, met and lingered. Eye contact had never been uncomfortable with them, not once. Besides, Adam loved Ronan's eyes; they were fiery and blue and always staring unblinking at the face of horror, of death, of misery. Ronan's eyes might have seen the world already.

When Ronan touched his face, Adam knew; he had seen the change. He had seen the anxiety, the desperation, the paranoia - he didn't like it. But he could understand it.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said softly.

Ronan didn't reply. He traced Adam's lips with his index, then trailed down to his chin and from his chin all the way across his jawline. Then he said, voice hoarse, "We almost lost  _him,_ Adam."

_Gansey_. Adam nodded. "Almost."

Ronan's eyebrows furrowed slightly before relaxing again. He was caressing Adam's cheekbone with his thumb. "I don't know what I would do if he was dead... When he sacrificed himself, I-"

Adam pressed his fingers on Ronan's lips, silencing him. He understood what Ronan was saying - he had felt it too. Gansey was their anchor; their King. What would the Magician and the Greywaren do without their King?

"I don't know what I would do if something happened to you either," Ronan then added.

Memories of his hands squeezing life out of Ronan invaded Adam's vision and he blinked them away.  _It wasn't me. It was the demon._

"I am not going anywhere," he said instead.

Ronan let out a sigh but his face didn't change. His index traced the slope of Adam's nose, gently tapping the tip before reaching for Adam's hand. Ronan gently placed it palm-flat against his chest and, shirtless as Ronan was, Adam's always-cold fingers began to warm up. The dull thumping of Ronan's heart was vibrating against the tips and it was the only reminder of how alive he was - they all were - Adam needed.

Adam wasn't sure when he fell asleep. He wasn't sure what was real, what was a dream and what was a nightmare but in the midst of a swarm of ravens, angry robotic bees and Gansey's blood pooling in the street, Adam felt something shaking him awake. He wasn't sure where it came from but as soon as he opened his eyes and Ronan's trembling shoulders came into view, Adam understood.

However, he wasn't sure of what to do at first. What was one supposed to do when witnessing Ronan waking up from yet another nightmare, heaving and upset? Adam sure didn't know. He had never known. But he sure didn't just want to sit and pretend he didn't notice anything.

"Ronan," he called sternly after a few moments.

As expected, he got no reply. So Adam let out a sigh and sat up. With his hand, he reached for Ronan's shoulder, caressing him as gently as Adam Parrish could all the way down his arm. Then, he placed his head on Ronan's shoulder blade and waited. He waited until Ronan stopped shaking; he waited until his breaths were only a mere whistle in Adam's good ear.

When Ronan placed his hand on top of Adam's and squeezed, Adam recognized this as an action of gratitude. Ronan shifted, Adam lifted his head from Ronan's shoulder just when Ronan half-turned his body to face him. He could see it. Adam didn't know what time it was but the sun was bright enough for him to see the dry tracks of tears on Ronan's cheeks. His blue eyes were red-rimmed and swollen and it hurt - it hurt Adam to see this.

Instinctively, his hands cupped Ronan's face. He didn't know what to say.

Then Ronan croaked, "She's really dead isn't she?"

_She_. _Aurora Lynch._

Adam leaned in and kissed Ronan gently. He didn't know how Ronan felt at that moment, as he had never lost a parent, let alone had any loving relationship with either of them to know how it felt to mourn for one. But he knew how much Ronan loved his family - he knew that Ronan grew up with only love from and for his mysterious, magical family. He had seen remnants of it in the Barns. Therefore, he could understand. Adam could understand what Ronan was going through - he just didn't know what do to about it.

When they pulled away, Adam whispered, "You will be okay. You will get over this."

Ronan let out a breath which sounded a lot like a chuckle. There was no humor in it though. "I have lost so much of my family, Adam."

Adam sighed, dejected. Not knowing how to deal with this frustrated him. "What can I do?"

"You? You can't do anything. No one can. They are dead."

"But-"

"Just stay," Ronan murmured quietly. He leaned into Adam's touch, "I breathe easier when you're here."

That caught Adam off guard. He raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"How come?"

"You're my Magician. Your magic makes it all better."

Adam chuckled. "But I'm not a Magician anymore."

"I said you are  _my_  Magician."

When the edges of Ronan's lips quirked into a small smile, Adam felt a little bit of life flow in him again. He dared to smile back; he realized that he could. "I guess I can't say no to that."

It was Ronan's turn to kiss him. His hands reached for Adam's waist, gingerly lifting the hem of Adam's cheap, fraying shirt, as Adam cupped the back of Ronan's neck and pulled him closer. Thin fingers were trailing up and down his sides, tickling but not too much, Ronan's skin rough against Adam's but not too rough. It was perfect. It was all Adam needed.

Somehow, despite the fact that he was breathless when their lips parted, Adam could breathe easier now too.

Ronan gently nudged Adam's stomach and Adam complied to the silent request until his back connected with the mattress. They shifted, adjusted their positions so that Adam laid on his back and Ronan laid on his side facing Adam, his head supported by his hand.

He kept staring, staring hard, as if he was trying to convince himself that Adam was real.

"Ronan," Adam called, to bring him back, "Let's go back to sleep."

"I can't," was Ronan answer, "Not right now."

Expected. Adam sighed, his eyelids dropping. His previous exhaustion was returning full force and he couldn't fight it. But, he couldn't ignore the fear, borderline to paranoia lingering in Ronan's beautiful blue eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere," Adam said.

Ronan's expression didn't change. However, he pushed his fingers through Adam's hair in a gentle, soothing motion. Slow and repetitive. Adam's consciousness started to fade.

"Let me make sure you won't."

"Alright."

Adam felt fingers slide between his and he squeezed them with whatever strength had remained in his shutting-down body.

"Wake me up if you have to," was the last thing Adam said. Ronan lips closing over his was enough of a response.

Then, sleep swallowed him whole, like the demon it was.

**Author's Note:**

> //This was not beta-ed//
> 
> Thanks for reading ^_^


End file.
